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November, 2009
Do you
sometimes find that you're trying to convey one message, yet another
message is received? As survivors, we often have difficulty with giving
out double messages such as saying "No" while shaking our heads "Yes" or
giving some sort of "Come here, Go away" double message.
If this
applies to you, learn to focus on both your verbal and nonverbal messages
that you give out, and then practice in the mirror or in a role play with
a trusted friend.
Recognize
that you learned to give double messages due to the double message
presented in your abuse when caretaking and pain were somehow mixed from
your perpetrators, and you took on the task of attempting to receive their
love and affection while you wanted their abuse to stop. Often, survivors
conclude that love and abuse are synonymous because as children they are
unable to process good and bad at the same time, so it becomes a blend of
mixed confusion.
What is
important to remember is that you can unlearn this cognitive distortion
and take on new behaviors that allow you to present a clear message and
say "No" when you mean no and "Yes" when you mean yes.
© 2009. Hiding Star
Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.
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© 2004-2009. Hiding Star
Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. |